Things that life told me.

I am writing this because I think I should write this. I am 21 years old I think I am re-discovering myself. Last 5 years of my life was simply great if these things would not happen I would not be at this place writing this stuff. These 5 years will shape the rest of my life. Because I made so many mistakes that in future it would be easy for me to live life. 

                            Hell yes the mistake I have made do effect me in the future but time will soak it and these things seems as if they were never existed. That is the beauty of time. Time does make things bad but if time is used properly then it is advantageous. This document is not some kind of self help stuff but my personal experiences.  

                      I am still struggling to live the life I wanted. In my view if you want something in life you should first know what you really "actually" want.  I am having this problem as of now that I often change my mind everyday. I known I have to be something but I don't know what. That is the fault in the process. I have heard that be specific on what you wish and as the bible says "whatever your mind conceives and desires; and if you believe you can then surely you will have it." I didn't put it right way but still that is true to extent. 

         My problem is that I am inconsistent in what I want. I mean the spark or fire that ambition creates in my mind is missing. I think I was so busy in planing that I forget to execute it.

       Moving a bit away from the topic, I have realized who is my biggest enemy and his name is Prateek Jain. I have observed that whenever I do something wrong or feeling tired to do things prateek comes and criticizes me and advice me to take some sleep instead of motivating me. In life the hardest criticism is that you take it from yourself.  MK Gandhi once said - if you don't give your respect they can't take it". The thing I learned that we can take control of ourselves but for that we have to be proactive. We need to realize that we have the freedom. 

Whatever I have written above nothing but a plain truth. I am writing this stuff for me. So that it can act as my bible. 

Few minutes ago I have learned that you can't count on anyone except yourself. I mean all my life I expected other and guess what I have always been let down. The thing in life that you have come alone and you should walk alone and you will go from this world alone. 

The polythene effect  -   I just finished a movie called American beauty, in that the there was a video of polythene going freely along the wind. That to me is the complete freedom. I wanted to be that polythene and winds of desire takes me to different heights. I know its easy for me to write down this here and come up with completely different idea. But I think thats where I falter. I doubt things and its doubt not curiosity. I think I need to have belief in order rise up to all new zone. 

For me to have belief I need to believe things without a shadow of doubt. I know beliefs can be shaken but they can be cemented with imagination. 

We all have one life to love and I think I should enjoy every moment of it. Whether its failure, success or anything that destiny throws down at me. Anything. I know as of this moment I am writing things that I never thought of.